In The Sand Inside

In The Sand Inside



I draw the line
And take my stand, too late –
Striving for life long after my soul this death
Has overtake.

I take the stand and speak the truth.
Longing for freedom from perjury within,
I swear to tell the truth,
But only after the lies have already taken root
And expunged all hope for fairness from the jury
That seeks my life.

What good is it to wish you had not done
What has already been done,
Or to see where your faults have led you
After you have already hit the wall at high speed?

I pause to view my reflection in the water at my feet,
But the tears that make the pool have blurred my sight;
All I can see is wavy and inconsequential,
A shoddy reflected sense of pain and
Half-finished totality.
I try to find myself within myself,
But fail,
And I am forced to slump down to my seat
On the cold hard ground.
I’m grounded, a flightless bird with
No hope of escape.
No sense of self.
No reason for being.

She was my all.
She made me live.
She was my reason for being,
My goal, my higher calling.
Then she left in a flurry of blinding sweet silk and
Razor-flashing daggers,
And I died,
And now I live as one undead,
Unalive,
Unable to find some safe ground;
All is quicksand inside,
And I die without a sound because I am already dead
Without her.



January 21st, 2010